Have You Ever GSR Version
by Winter-Faerie.X
Summary: Sara and Gil Reflect-Centered Round Events Of 9x11 So There Are Mild Spoliers. Probably. Possibly. Maybe. Reviews Are Loved. Thanks To All Those Who Replied To My Dilemma Notice As Well. Enjoy xxx


**A/N:** After reading the reviews left to me following my posting of 'Dilemma', I went with the strongest vote. This is the GSR version, Grillows will follow when I get around to it. Thanks to all those who gave me their views. So, review. It makes me happy :)

**Inspiration:**The song 'Have You Ever' By S-Club7. Child of the 90's, what can I say? :P

**Spoilers:** Since this is set around the events of 9x11, there are **mild** spoilers. Possibly. Maybe. I don't know.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI. Go ahead, rub it in.

Or the song. I'm sure they wont mind me stealing it in the name of fan-fiction =D

The heat of the Costa Rican jungle was beginning to subside at the end of another long, physically challenging day. The jungle never seemed to quieten, or become completely still, Sara had noticed. As the sounds of the day quietened, the night world awoke. The sound of the twigs snapping beneath the strong, lean legs of predators sounded like the bass rhythm of the night jungle melody.

Entering the tent that was her home, at least for the duration of her stay in the jungle, Sara flopped down onto her camp bed and closed her eyes. This trip had been meant to help her forget, to move on. But while some things escaped her mind for hours at a time, hardly a moment went by when she didn't think of _him._

His smile, his gentle tone, those eyes she could lose herself in. The nights were the worst. He had helped her forget the terrors, and she had not realized until it was gone how safe being in his arms had made her feel. Instead, she now dreamt of him. The dreams were so real, sometimes she honestly thought he was there with her, loving her like only he could. It ripped her heart out every time to awake and realize that she was alone.

_Alone_. The way she had always felt until she met him. The way she had felt every time she had been beaten, the way she felt when her father had stolen her dignity and violated her in ways a father never should, while her mother and brother did nothing. The way she had felt through the pregnancy and the subsequent abortion. The way she had felt when she had escaped from them to realize that her foster parents were exactly the same.

She opened her eyes. This would not do her any good. Running her hands over her face and exhaling deeply, blowing away the stray curls that obscured her vision, she rose from the bed and grabbed the guitar case resting on the floor nearby. Tonight was weekly circle time. As much as it sounded like an elementary school practice, it gave people here a chance to get to know one another, and to talk in ways they could not whilst they researched during the day. They sang, they talked of their homes, the families they had left behind to come here. Sara listened a lot and talked little, but the team accepted that.

She walked out into the clearing the camp was pitched in. The space was large, but beyond the trees was a whole new way of life, more of which the team explored with every passing day.

A fire had already been lit,a circle of stones at its base of old,dry, fallen branches, and the large, sturdy tree trunks the group used were placed a safe distance away while still allowing them to draw warmth from the flames if they needed too. A few of the other team members were already milling around, finding a 'seat'. Sara perched herself on the edge of a trunk, resting her guitar on her thigh, her hands working at the tuning pegs. Her work done, she rested the guitar against the tree trunk next to her. The space had nearly filled whilst she had been engrossed in tuning her guitar. She looked to her left to see her immediate company for tonight. The flash of fire-red hair that caught her eye as soon as she did this informed her that Jessica was seated next to her. Sara relaxed at this. Jessica was a dynamite, to say the least. She constantly wore a cheeky grin and her relaxed and friendly personality made her an enjoyable person to work with. She talked a lot and Sara talked little, so they made a good team and worked together companionably. She turned at this point and noticed Sara and her guitar.

'Girl, you singing tonight?' she questioned with a surprised smile. Sara didn't usually do stuff like that. Instead, she was more inclined to sit and listen. Sara nodded uncertainly.

'Yeah' she said, somewhat shakily. Jessica sensed she was nervous about what she was about to do.

'You'll be fine. I've heard you sing to yourself while you work. You're great' she replied. Sara couldn't help but smile back. By this time, the rest of the team had gathered around and were seated quietly. John, the team leader, spoke.

'So....anyone have anything to share?' he said gently. John was a balding, middle aged man, very relaxed and friendly but yet still with an air of authority about him that made the other scientists look up to him.

Sara was now worrying about the decision she had made. Writing her songs herself, she was never sure about them, and kept them private and personal, sharing them only with those who she trusted completely. She had shared them with _him._

'Sara does' Jess volunteered on her behalf, snapping Sara out of her reverie. Although her intention was gentle encouragement, Sara did not appreciate it. She sent a mild glare at Jess, then turned back to see John smiling encouragement at her too.

'Sara?' he inquired, as surprised as the rest of the team.

'Yeah, I do' she replied on a shaky breath. John noticed the guitar resting against the trunk. He smiled in surprise. It was a genuine, warm-hearted smile that reached his eyes.

'You're going to sing for us?' he questioned gently. Sara nodded. Inhaling to calm her nerves and clear her head, she spoke.

'Before I start and send you all running for cover' this statement was met with a ripple of laughter 'I want to explain myself, to a certain extent. I wrote this song myself, reflecting on things that have made me who I am. Hope you like it.'

Picking up the guitar, she allowed it to resume its earlier resting position on her thigh. She allowed her fingers to curl around the neck. Her finger pads resumed the positions of the opening chords she knew well, after playing this song for herself countless times as she thought of her life in the rare moments her mind was blank.

_Sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over  
Knowing there's so much more to say  
Suddenly the moment's gone  
And all your dreams are upside down  
And you just wanna change the way the world goes round_

_Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody  
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry  
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby  
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking  
Lookin down the road you should be taking  
I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go_

As she sang these words, the memories overwhelmed her. How she had run away, how she had left him. After everything, he had still loved her. But she knew that if she did not leave, she would self-destruct. So she had had to love and lose.  
_  
Can't help but think that this is wrong, we should be together  
Back in your arms where I belong  
Now I've finally realized it was forever that I've found  
I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round_

Every part of her had screamed that it was wrong as she had walked out of his life without a proper goodbye. Every day since, she had desired nothing more than to wake up in his arms, to be safe and wanted. To go back to the only home she had ever truly had, his heart. Forever.

But she could not go back to Vegas, where memories assaulted her daily. And he could not leave the thing he loved most-his work. And so they were still apart.

_Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody  
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry  
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby_

_Have you ever felt your heart was breaking  
Lookin down the road you should be taking  
I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go_

Sara finished and looked into the eyes of her stunned team members. To some of them, one thing about her was painfully evident. She was hurting inside_. _

***

Gil was sat alone in his office. He was thinking of her, as he so often did. How he had hurt her by being an idiot. Putting his work before her, as he so often had, being afraid to take a risk. And now he had lost her. He began to sing to himself, a tune that seemed to come from deep inside his subconscious.

_I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels  
To have it all and let it slip away, can't you see  
Even though the moment's gone, I'm still holding on somehow  
Wishing I could change the way the world goes round_

_Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody  
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry (I'm sorry)  
Can't you see, (ohhh) that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby  
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking  
Lookin down the road you should be taking  
I should know, (I should know) cos I loved and lost the day I let  
Yes I loved and lost the day I let  
Yes I loved and lost the day I let you go_

But he wanted her, _needed her_, in his life. What if there was still time? He knew deep inside, that he was making the right decision. He was ready to leave what he had thought made his life complete for what _really_ did. He was ready to risk it all for what he really loved.

_Sara._


End file.
